Oops All Monsters

Split Second (1992) - 023

Gavin bursts out of the brackish London floodwaters with this week's haphazard, but fully-loaded assault on screenwriting, the 1992 Rutger-Hauer vehicle SPLIT SECOND. 

Starring Rutger Hauer, Alastair Duncan and Kim Katrall, Hauer plays Detective Harley Stone, who hunts down the mysterious serial killer who murdered his partner.  Unfortunately, a late screenwriting decision turned the killer into a half-assed Spirit Halloween version of the Xenomorph from Aliens, OR a Costco brand Venom, but don't overthink it, the filmmakers definitely didn't. 

Also discussed:  2012's Dredd with Karl Urban, and Tom Hardy as a young drunk

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SPECIAL - The Crimson Ghost w Special Guest FUZZ - 022

The Rubber masked that launched a billion t-shirts!

We break format for this time for a fun-sized discussion that's a hangover from Spooky Season, wherein we bring on our friend Fuzz to discuss the 1940s serial spookstar and Modern Age horror punk icon THE CRIMSON GHOST. 

So strap on your boots, polish your studs, and grease down your devil locks, because it's time get both very goth, AND very masculine somehow, with the early 20th century's least consensual Scoobie Doo bad guy...no not Glenn Danzig, The Crimson Ghost.  Don't worry, you don't have to go to New Jersey. 

 

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The Armus from Star Trek TNG - 021

The sludgy embodiment of The Dave Matthew's Band's 800 pound excrement deluge, The Armus has the ignominious title of first Star Trek: The Next Generation monster to end the life of a main cast character, making it even more odd that it turns out to be a petty, vindictive little jagoff. 

Hess breaks down this sentient sludge-pool in our first take on the Trek-o-verse, and examines where it works, where it don't, and how sometimes manipulative feces monsters are also annoying dudes you meet at punk parties. Or vice versa?  Don't overthink it.  That's our job. 

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HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Skeletons! - 020

One final dose of spooky season delivered to rattle your bones, Gavin & Hess team up in this zero seriousness, potpourri, grab bag of an episode exploring various aspects of the often-exploited, under-appreciated, expensively-replicated momento mori that lives within all of us - 

SKELETONS!!!

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Fright Night 1985 - 019

Chris Sarandon acts the tits right off your face in this 1985 classic creature feature co-starring Roddy-effing-Mcdowall, Amanda Bearse's luminous skin and delightful acting, and Herman from Herman's Head. 

Are you ready to get 80s, because it's getting 80s.  What's the secret message underneath the original two Fright Night films? Hint, it has to do with the sex toys under Tim Kono's bed.  Also: Nicholas Cage, Girl Talk, Vampire The Masquerade, Dog Day Afternoon, and why Bronson Pinchot won't stop screaming in The Langoliers.  Don't listen to this episode if you're a coward. 

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Mummies PT1 - 018

You're not appreciating Brendan Frasier enough. Gavin unwinds this tale of ancient origins and hollywood nightmares ranging from before Napoleon's men started the mummy-theft craze to Boris Karloff's iconic 1932 film, into the 21st century. 

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Content Warning: references to a real life sexual molestation & accidental hanging

 

 

Body Snatchers PT 2 of 2 - 017

Hess closes out the generational trauma of humanity's vague, greasy replacements, sorting out the final implications of the cold war's REAL anxiety, and laying the blame where it really belongs. 

We learn about Invasion 78 with Donald Sutherland, 1999's only weirdo millennials and drugs can save us popcorn flick The Faculty, and sleepy Nicole Kidman vehicle The Invasion (2007).

Also Jeff Goldblum, and Spooky Scary Skeletons.

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Headless Horsemen - 016

IT'S SPOOKY SEASON WITCHES!

Gavin reveals the devilish through-line between ancient Gaelic faeries that punish their prey with deadly spine-whips, colonial America's pumpkin-wielding Hessian, Marvel's flame-faced Ghost Rider, and Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner, the mercenary classic by the death-obsessed-bard Warren Zevon. 

You could try to do it this good, but you'd fail. 

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Body Snatchers PT1 - 015

Hess brings a heavy-hitter from American classic sci-fi this week, those eerie and illusive outer-space pod-people.  The chillest communal colonialists out of Norcal are on the prowl, so hide your kids, hide your wife, they snatchin' everybody up in here. 

Gavin & Hess intro this super thicc topic by delving into the original 1954 novel by Jack Finney, its themes and significance, and compare and contrast it with the 1956 film directed by George Siegel starring Kevin McCarthy. 

There's also too much discussion of the film "Innerspace", and probably the best Jeffrey Dean Morgan you're going to get this side of Syracuse. 

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The Martians from Mars Attacks! - 014

Originating in the twisted mind of EC Comics artist Wally Woods, these gleeful interplanetary colonists began their life on a series of sadomasochistic children's trading cards so vile and deranged the courts had their production stopped in 1962. 

Gavin walks us the unlikely tale of atomic age sci-fi culture, ported into 1990s satire by Tim Burton, which continues to this day in curious comic book mashups. If you've never seen the Burton 90s film, it is more than worth a watch,to see Jack Nicholson vaporized by Martians not once, but twice, and Sarah Jessica Parker play the queen of all vapid, new media shoe fetishists, who gets transformed into a Pierce Brosnan-smooching dog-abomination. 

But just don't forget: 

ACK-ACK-ACK, ACKACK-ACK-ACK!!!

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